I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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