get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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