You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
