Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
