Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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