My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
