I want to have your abortion
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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