I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
