Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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