What a fucking waste of an outfit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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