when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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