Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
