K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
