i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
