I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
