I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
