The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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