Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
