the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
