How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
