Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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