When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
