You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize