apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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