K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bring money and cleavage
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
