Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
