No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
