Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
