If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
