ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's shark week go big or go home
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
