At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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