eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So squirting runs in the family.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
