I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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