with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
