we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
