My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My pussy is not your playground.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
