If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize