even my farts smell like vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
