He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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