The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
