After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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