whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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