his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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