so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
