Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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