Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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