Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What a dumb baby whore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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