I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize