a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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