Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
