I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
