my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
