I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
