yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
