The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
