Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
