I want to have your abortion
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
