____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we're so committed to being not committed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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