my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
