We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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