Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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