Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
