things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
