Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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