can u get pink eye on your cock?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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