Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
