Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
