Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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