the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
