I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize