New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize