It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
