Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
