Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
