Welp...herpes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
