When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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