If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
