so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
