i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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