i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
