I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
