the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
