Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
