Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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