I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
