so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
