i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
