the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
