The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
