i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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