And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
