I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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