Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
