shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
