you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
