Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
