TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
